


Jouska

by Itohan



Series: New Aot fanfics [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, EreAnnie, Eren Yeager Needs a Hug, Eren Yeager Sees The Ocean, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Manga Spoilers if you squint, Mental Health Issues, No founder ymir, Non-Canonical Character Death, POV Eren Yeager, Post-Female Titan Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin), Post-Return to Shiganshina Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin), Protective Armin Arlert, Protective Mikasa Ackerman, References to Depression, Survivor Guilt, Tragedy, pre Marley arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itohan/pseuds/Itohan
Summary: This is the story of a world where there is no founder Ymir. There is only Eren and the broken shards of Annie digging into his flesh - the story of a broken soul in need of salvation. It’s a story of shattered dreams and vengeance.“Kill them. Kill them all.”Also known as the AU in which Eren eats Annie in Stohess and deals with the aftermath.
Relationships: Annie Leonhart/Eren Yeager, Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman & Eren Yeager
Series: New Aot fanfics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2047742
Comments: 11
Kudos: 43





	Jouska

**He killed her. Ripped her out of the Titan's neck, crushed her beneath his teeth, gulped down every single piece of her.  
He ate Annie. Annie with that secret smile. Annie who he tried so hard to impress, wanted to be equal with. Annie who was just as scared as him, who just wanted to go home. He ate her. He ate her.**

**Why? Why did he-**  
_"Ere-"_

"Eren, wake up. It's only a nightmare."

It is Mikasa who shakes him awake from his nightmares.

Eren looks around the room only dimly lit by the candle on his nightstand. His shadow grows and shrinks as flame flickers. The only sound is his labored breathing.

"Where is Armin?" Eren asks, his voice still drunk on sleep. His clothes cling to him like a second skin and his cheeks are damp with tears.

"He's sleeping. He needs it," Mikasa answers and sits down at the foot of Eren's small bed. It creaks underneath the shifting weight.

"So what," she continues "Did you dream of?" and wipes his wet bangs out of his face. He lets her.

"I don't remember."  
It must have been another dream about his mother, he decides.

Mikasa doesn't question him, they both got enough material for nightmares than anyone could imagine, so she just nods. Then she blows the candle out and leaves, closing the door behind her.

.  
.  
.

Going to the market had been Armin and Mikasa's idea, Eren grumbles internally, so why did he have to come with them? He feels the stares burning on his skin and wishes he had taken his cloak with him. If he had it with him, he could at least have hidden his face.

A giggling group of girls run past them. One stumbles over her long skirt and her basket comes flying, accidentally hitting him in the chest. She raises a hand apologetically and moves on to follow her friends. Her blonde hair falls in front of her eyes, hiding them from view, and she brushes it away with her left hand. It's a familiar gesture.

Before Eren can blink she is already disappearing behind another corner.

He can't breathe.

  
Without thinking he’s suddenly on his feet, leaving his best friends and the booth behind him.

"Hey! Eren! What are you doing? Eren, come back!"

Eren doesn't listen to their shouts. He chases after the girl, crashing into sharp shoulders and catching angry glances but Eren doesn't care - he can't care.

He runs and runs and runs.

"Wait!" he shouts after her.

He doesn't have to struggle to find the blonde in the swarm of people happily chattering and going on with their lives. She sticks out like a sore thumb.

He can almost reach her. ~~He can almost taste her blood on his lips~~. The thought catches him off guard and he stumbles over a stray basket. His head connects with the ground and suddenly there is blood dripping down his forehead. His ears buzz.

Red droplets on grey stone.  
Acid crawls up his throat.

"Please stop. Please, Annie, please," he calls out to her as he struggles to lift his limbs off the ground.

Stones are digging into his hands.

 ~~Flesh ripping open underneath his teeth~~.

She just keeps on walking. Getting further away from him, leaving him behind in the sea of people. He lifts out his hands, trying to catch the shrinking figure in the distance. Tears sting in his eyes.

"Annie, stop!"

Heads turn in his direction and children point into his direction, clinging to their mothers skirts. A dog barks.

She's now so small he cannot see her anymore.

"Annie!"

He keeps screaming until his throat turns raw.

It's Mikasa who finds him.  
He wails.  
It's Armin who wipes away his tears.

For a split second Eren wishes it were his parents in their place instead. Guilt pangs at his heart and he does not meet either of his friends eyes when they heave him up and keep him steady on the way back to the base. That night he braids Mikasa's hair and reads aloud with Armin, it soothes his mind like honey.

He hopes they know it's an apology - though he won't tell them what for.

.  
.  
.

"Eren."

Eren grunts softly, slowly lifting his head out of Armin's lap, where he had been napping. Armin's face is hovering above, shielding him from the sun's harsh light, casting a shadow over Eren's eyes. There is something hesitant in his friend's face that Eren cannot decipher. He doesn't like it - it reminds him of Berthold.

"Eren, why did you leave?" Armin asks softly, finally closing the book that he'd been reading on his chest.

"I don't k-" Eren begins to lie.

Armin is silent. Waiting. Studying him.

"I thought I saw her," Eren admits.

"Who?" Armin says and begins to play with Eren's hair. It's been growing longer in the last few months, it almost reaching his neck by now. It reminds Eren of his father.

"Annie. I thought I saw her, I thought it was her. I really did. I just wanted- I-  
I don't know what I wanted."

"It wasn't her."  
It's not even a question, it's a statement. They both know it couldn't have been her, yet they do not speak of the fact.

"It wasn't her," he confirms and closes his eyelids. He wishes his breathing to still. He wants to sleep and dream a dreamless dream. He wishes for a dream about the ocean.

Armin does not question him further because he is kind and sometimes Eren wishes he could be a bit more like Armin instead.

  
  


_"E r e n.”_

_Annie's arms wrapped around his neck, struggling against his weight as they wrestle on the ground. He's above her and her back is pressed into the ground. They crush flowers beneath their feet, kick dust into the air in their wrangling and he's never felt more alive. Her eyes are opened wide, too bright to be the colour of the ocean though too dark to be the colour of the sky. She is flushed red and her hair is tousled, spilling out of her bun. It looks good on her._

_A crooked smile stretches itself across his face and he whoops. For once he's about to win!_

_"Tell me I won, Annie!"_

_"Forget it, Jäger," Annie grunts and tries to flip their position around. He doesn't budge._

_"Not this time!" he laughs and presses his weight down harder on her, internally counting to ten._

_"Alright," she wheezes. "What do you want, Jäger?"_

_"Hmm," he pauses dramatically. "What do I want? What do I..."  
She's licking over her lips and his eyes settle on the motion, completely mesmerized. The moment lasts only a second but it feels like an eternity to Eren. She doesn't even notice._

_"Well?"_

_He dismisses the thought._

_"I want you to call me by my name."_

_"Alright, Eren."  
Neither of them breaks eye contact as she slowly allows her lips to move closer to his. He's about to close his eyes when-_

_"It's not your fault, Eren. You might have inherited what was left of me but it is Marley that killed me. I've been dead, dying from the very moment I joined the Warrior program."_

_"What are you saying?" This wasn't what happened! She hadn't said those words... **Annie had not said those words, so why?**_

_"I want you to-"_

Eren awakes sweat soaked. A few minutes later all that's left of the dream is fuzzy memories and the smell of dandelions lingering in his nose.

.  
.  
.

After all those years it was finally before them.

"The sea..."

Eren takes Mikasa and Armin by the hand, intertwining their fingers and pulling them along towrds the water. It's almost as if they were kids again and for a moment his thoughts are free of his father's memories. He doesn't think about Marley looming in the distance behind the sea.

 ~~Grisha Krüger Frieda~~ **Eren** is free.

Eren lies down in the cool water, allowing his limbs to float and the waves to wash over him. He imagines sinking deeper and deeper until finally his back were to meet the ground. What a beautiful dream, he thinks. Mikasa and Armin's cheering in the distance can now only be heard faintly over the loud crashing of the waves.

_"Eren."_

He opens his eyes.

There she is, her lips forming the most beautiful smile. Annie's white dress sways in the wind like foam in the sea and all Eren wants to do... All he wants to do is cross the distance to her. If it is to free her hair of it's restraints or to hold her hand, he doesn't know.

Then her mouth opens and out come five words.  
_"Kill them. Kill them all."_

And Eren smiles.

_____________

 **Jouska** :  
n.a hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head - which serves as a psychological betting cage where you can connect more deeply with people than in the small ball of everyday life.

**Author's Note:**

> Written today because I forgot how much I love Ereannie and I’found inspiration again thanks to a great fanfic by That_Wandering_Writer! 
> 
> Let me know your opinion if you want to :)


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